Friday, December 7, 2018

Whereabouts Am I?

In the North Woods of Minnesota.

Way Up North . Really. I'm not kidding. Very few people have heard of where I live. And even fewer understand why I want to live here. Whereabouts exactly am I? Does it really matter? It's in the Boonies.

I'm familiar with the North Woods. It feels like home on a visceral level. My folks had a lake place for over 40 years just south of where I live now. In their last few years, they had to live in the city in a condo with one of my brothers until they died. It was sad. All they wanted was to complete their days in their beloved North Woods. It was not to be. But even before that, we vacationed as a family Up North at various resorts and friends' places and I always felt a deep connection to the woods.

But why am I, at the age of 63 relocated to a spot even farther north than where my folks lived?

Because I can. Because it's really the only place I can afford. Because I have too many dogs and need to live in a remote enough area where I can keep them and no one will care if they bark. Because I've been asking the Universe to bring me back to the woods, and It has.

Because my husband of thirteen and a half years decided that after several years of couples therapy he wanted a divorce.

I don't blame him. I did too, but I didn't have the guts to go there. I was relatively comfortable in my overly big house even if I was alone too much. It was tweaked just right inside and out to accommodate the dogs. I'd raised chickens, ducks, sheep, hogs, steers, horses, and fostered ponies on our little 5 acre hobby farm without the full enthusiasm of my now ex-husband. I didn't do it all alone by any means, and I'll explain in a bit.

But first, you need to know that my now ex-husband and I had a polyamorous marriage. Not an "open marriage" but one in which it was possible to add members to our relationship. And we did.

I had the help and drive of Nikki, my addition to our family until she decided to hook up with another woman. It was just too much poly for me and we extricated for a while. Nikki and I have a deep bond between us, and our mutual devotion is apparent. She is my hero and help-mate in my quest for a life in the North Woods. Without her, I would be severely hampered in my ability to survive let alone thrive here. Nikki still has her own life back in the city with her partner, but loves the woods about as much as I do.

My ex-husband added another woman to the family but despite my high hopes, it became clear that living together was not going to work out well. Let's just say that the poly paradigm had (and still has) potential, but just didn't work out well with our specific choices--and leave it at that. For now.

So here I am, wet behind the ears, having only moved in since November 16th. So far, despite the challenges, nothing has taken me much by surprise. I kind of knew what I was getting into here. This is what I've always wanted. This is where I belong.

Great big huge grateful THANKS go out to God, or Whatever has designed this existence for allowing me to experience my life's desire.