Thursday, February 21, 2019

The Law of Attraction in my own life

I used to complain about being alone too much. Being isolated from a social community. I worried about the deferred maintenance on the house. I was frantic at being left alone with TONS of hand shoveling to do. I cried over frozen fingers and toes while doing chores outside. I lamented that my marriage seemed to be disintegrating before my very eyes. I obsessed about money and not having enough of it. I fretted about the loss of  stability in my life; about financial security. I believed I clung to my limited world for the sake of my dogs. I knew and appreciated that I was luckier than a lot of women my age. My pets and I were all warm, fed, and safe. What did I really have to complain about?

The Law of Attraction always gives you more of what you complain about!

For the past few years since my folks sold their lake home and have since died, I’ve been dreaming and talking about the North Woods. Asking the Universe to help me find a way. I joined a women’s Bigfoot Research team which took me to the woods. Being informed that my husband wanted a divorce forced my hand. I had to play it. My husband is now my ex-husband and that catapulted me right into the woods!

Ironically, what I’d been saying I had too much of and didn’t want in the first place was what I actually got a lot more of.

The big one is Isolation. This is definitely a remote location.  Extremely limited social life. My previous social milieu was left behind in Minneapolis! Lots of deferred maintenance to deal with on my “new” house, not to mention the surprise challenges of which I have already posted. I have to shovel massive amounts of snow not only on the ground, but on the roof too. The cold here is way more extreme than what I experienced 200 miles to the south. Money looms as a serious problem because the alimony expires in six years just before my 70th birthday. What little I did have was taxed heavily. I resent this deeply when I see big corporations reaping billions and paying nothing.

I lost my tenuous security with the loss of my marriage. I lost the relative convenience of the property that had been re-designed to accommodate our lives, especially my many dogs.

So, it seems that you do indeed get more of what you focus on. The Universe really doesn’t seem to differentiate between what is desired and what is not desired. Thankfully, I also focused on things that brought me what I did want as well as what I didn’t want.  I got my house in the North Woods where I can have all my dogs. That was my main goal, and I accomplished that.

But I’m not sure I’ve really learned my lesson. I want to avoid repeating my misery patterns until I finally “get it”. I do know now that the Law of Attraction is real. I’m attempting to be more conscious of what I am thinking about and trying to direct my thoughts away from what I don’t want to what I do want. The corollary to the Law of Attraction is that What You Resist Persists. What you refuse to acknowledge will just keep biting you in the butt until you do.

I  think that we are here to experience not just what we deem “good” or “pleasant” but to experience the whole continuum. I also don’t believe that ignoring reality will change it. Wanting a broken arm to be unbroken will not fix it once it’s broken; you need to have it set and let it heal. You need to act, not just wish. 

How do I acknowledge the tragedies, the injustices, and suffering, the destruction, the greed, the evil everywhere around me without being sucked into rage, despair, apathy, or immobility? It isn't productive to simply focus all my attention on resisting what I don't want--I've seen first hand that I will just get more of it. What seems more beneficial is to focus on replacing what I don't want with something I do want. But I have to acknowledge the broken part and take action to heal it as well. I have to feel the pain of the break, and accept the suffering in order to move on.

Finding a balance is not easy. It’s often not clear to me how to redirect my focus, or even if I should. I find myself feeling guilty for not focusing on the negative. It’s not easy recognizing what I can change versus what I can’t change. I don’t feel particularly wise on that account. I often feel barraged by information and misinformation to the point of confusion which suspends me in a vacuum of doubt and sadness. 

What redeems my often dismal state is my connection to a very few important people in my life, my pets, and being surrounded by the woods that I’ve loved and longed for all my life. I can sometimes actually believe that it's OK to let go of my despair with the way the world is. I can sometimes give myself permission to simply accept it as it is, which doesn’t mean I have to like it, or condone it. But I personally don’t have to change it “out there”.

It’s enough that I change it “in here”.  My own evolution will attract more of what I want, but also to replace, not resist that which I do not want. Afterall, I am an integral part of the world "out there" too.